When Love begins to Fail: Reigniting the Flame in Your Relationship

Reigniting the Flame. Love, Separation, and Reconciliation. Holistic and Individualized Counseling to Meet Your Relationship Needs.


The greatest emotion we will ever feel is the simple capacity we have to give and receive love. As two souls unite to form the boundaries of a new relationship, the feelings run high, and the effects produced is like being in a perpetual state of drunken euphoria where effective decision-making escapes us as we simply give into the falling act . However, as the honeymoon ends, we then become faced with making sense of our own personal growth occurs as it relates to the direction the relationship is growing.

Do you remember when your relationship started to go bad?

Oftentimes, break-ups, divorce, and the ramifications associated with the severance of a relationship can be traced to a series of events where personal growth is impeded by the direction the relationship was growing and / or lacking the capacity to grow. It is our personal plight to grow, and asking such questions as who am I? what is my purpose? what is the meaning of life? drives our personal growth journey forward. As we learn to answer these questions, we become more grounded within self-understanding, and begin to make meaning within and realize the goals of our life. However, when we tie our personal growth to our foundational need to be in relationship with another, oftentimes the growing direction of the relationship may interfere with, or completely impede the ideals we seek to obtain within our personal life.

What direction is your relationship growing?

This is an imperative question that must be answered if you are grow both intra-personally and within the context of your relationship. An example of a relationship going wrong is as follows:

If you are a person who enjoys traveling, but got involved with a person who fears planes, leaving the home, or lacks the wish to engage in this area you find passionate, it will be up to you to either change your passion, accept the person for who they are, and / or leave the relationship. While it may be hard to fathom the idea of leaving a relationship, within this scenario, neither of you will ultimately be happy. Most often, people engage in relationships with the idea that they can somehow change, or encourage a person to change aspects of their personality. This is a wrong pretense from which to begin a relationship, will ultimately fail, and you will then be faced with picking up the pieces of your relationship, while trying to make sense of what went wrong.

People become set in their ways by early adult life, and if you are to have a relationship where both individual and relational growth is present, you will need to develop areas of passion together that encourages your personal growth. This is an area where both of your personal passions can begin to merge, allowing your relationship to grow in unison with interests you both have developed.

An Idea for Date Night!!!

Take your spouse or loved one out to your favorite restaurant. Before going, write a bucket list to compare and analyze your goals, dreams, and aspirations. If you have more than one area of commonality, this can become the goals you set up to begin engaging in your areas of personal passion, growth, and will act as a jumpstart for you and your loved one to begin growing your relationship in a healthy direction.

Dr. Tom


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