Inspirational Vlog
The Wisdom of Memory
It only takes a moment
To make a moment
But in that Moment
What Memory will you share
While Time may tick
To sorrows grief
But does that mean
We should give in to despair?
No, I think not
says my conscience
For those moments
Are fully ours to share
Look deep within
Let go without
And create those stories
for which we care.
Life exists now,
In this time of grace
Where despair gives in
To Love’s enduring embrace.
Love, Laugh, and Pray,
Let Go and Give In,
Let God Shelter you
In Love's eternal embrace.
With love my friends,
Dr. Tom
The Memory Remains
Remember when life was more straightforward? My wife and I often flashback to a time when we were newlyweds, eating at a local Chili’s restaurant before she was pregnant, living in the moment, carefree, without a worry in the world. One day, the conversation changed to a more serious tone: “I will see you in 18,” I said, as we both laughed nervously, awaiting what would end up becoming one of the wildest yet rewarding rides of our lives.
Remember when… How often do I hear this as a professional psychotherapist and in my daily life as I navigate the ins and outs of memory, its vast array of good, bad, ugly, and beautiful storylines that those valleys and peaks of life produce?
But what is memory, and how does it function in our life?
The Science of Memory
As Mr. Pavese stated above, we remember moments, not days. But this is only sometimes the case. Our ability to recall important events, even when it fades, can be a very localized phenomenon. Like consciousness, memory can wax and wane, is dependent on environmental and physical health factors, and can create moments of lucidity or downright forgetfulness. It also creates the ability we have to function independently in our natural environment.
Memory represents a storehouse of experience, a necessary function for a species’ survival. Yet, in all its facets, the act of remembering can also take us into some dark rabbit holes when it turns to its traumatic storylines. Trauma is a natural part of existence that, when combined with the libidinal drive to survive, can cause a chasm of negative affective (emotional or behavioral) states that affect the present moment, therefore re-traumatizing one’s future prospects if those moments take a more negative versus positive outcome.
There are also numerous types of memory, many of which can compete with each other, dependent on external (environmental) and internal (physiological) factors. The main types of memory include:
- Episodic memory is a form of explicit memory that combines long-term and short-term memory and its capacity to recall events, times, places, and people.
- Semantic memory is the ability to recall information, facts, and formulas.
- Working memory is the ability to reason, plan, and execute on limited fact sets.
- Implicit memory includes forming habits or skill sets that do not require conscious thought to perform actions, such as riding a bike.
- Explicit memory is the ability to recall specific information with conscious effort, such as names, dates, and events that require cognitive effort.
While the science of memory is an active and burgeoning field of study, a more beautiful human element exists when we learn to unlock and navigate its potential. Memory is a simple explanation of our capacity to store information. Yet, the act of remembering suggests a capacity to re-member, to breathe life back into, to re-animate some figment that doesn’t exist at the moment; yet, through active engagement, we can re-ignite if not in frequency, duration, depth, or amplitude, at least some of the feeling states associated with the original moment itself.
Watch an old movie and see if it elicits the same emotions you had when you first saw it. Watch one of your wedding reels or a reel taken of you before your child’s birth, and see if it fosters positive emotions. I guarantee you that some fear would have been present at that time. Yet, I challenge you to feel bad in the moment of reflection this exercise of re-membering creates. What a beautiful human construct we have at our disposal.
It Only Takes a Moment 2 Make a Moment
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Buddha
What does it mean to make a moment? When it comes to our ability to build memories, it is the moments that matter the most. When we look upon the past, we engage in pictures and reels, not numbers. That is why it may be challenging for a person to remember a date versus their ability to recall a story—memory stores images as a story, not a data set specifically to be recalled. And our mind loves to tell and expand upon a good story, especially to make it our own.
Emotion must be present to create a moment. Once assigned to an experience, we can construct the means for short-term data sets to navigate and be stored in mid-term and long-term memories, which can then be accessed for later recall.
Making a moment means being present. As we learn to navigate our moments, we set the stage for our next moment to arise. Do you want this moment now to be better than your prior moment? Most would say yes. However, the ability to direct future moments also depends on our ability to be present in the current moment.
To be present, we must give up preconceptions that may stand in our way. Once free from the weight of those past moments, we can focus on the here and now, to be present, so that one’s future moments may be brighter in relationship to those inner passions we find solace within.
To make a moment, we must give up the grip our past life has on our current moment and engage the now. Many will seek psychotherapy to process those past moments. Psychotherapy, counseling, coaching, and mental health books can help. Still, ultimately, it is up to us to turn our attention to the present moment because it is in that specific period that we control the dictates of the past and can direct the future more cohesively.
Now try to imagine what you ate on Tuesday last week. Try to recall breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Now, this will be very difficult for most people. That is because there is no emotional response. Now, if you remember, it could be because you linked that day to an important event, such as a birthday party or anniversary. If that is the case, you stored that as recallable information because of the emotional weight behind the event itself.
Secondarily, if you recall the information because of rote memory factors, such as eating the same food every day, that stores as a means to allow continuity and safety in your life, even though it may not have emotional weight behind its storage. That form of memory is the same as when we store information, such as two plus two. Even though there is no emotional weight behind it, we can answer that question because of the sheer number of repetitions we engaged with the data set.
Now, try to imagine the birthdate of your child. You may recall the images surrounding you, the emotions present, tidbits of useless information, and even smells. We store those elements because of the brevity of the emotional weight behind that experience. We are creatures that operate in service to others.
When we engage in the most fundamental building block of life, an emotional relationship, we create the means by which we can realize ourselves making moments by mutually experiencing those moments with and in service to others. In other words, I, as a father, can make a moment that is simultaneous and relative in nature as one of my children can experience their dad in the exact moment working in relationship to a means and an end. That is how we make memories with our family.
As the Buddha’s statement hypothesizes, let go of the weight of the past. In dwelling, we give weight to sorrow, despair, and emotions bent on the depressive spectrum, which robs us of the present moment. Please do not dwell on the future, for its root is the emotion of worry, confusion, and despair typical to the anxiety spectrum of mental health malaise. You have this moment, and possibly this moment only. While this may represent a philosophical act of trickery, what if this is truly the last moment?
Ponder this for one minute. Who, how, what, and where would you spend it? Notice I left out when and why. That is because the moment is now gone. What did you spend it on? Why did you spend it? Our why is found in those beautiful moments called dreams, relationships, memories, and reveries, which I truly believe come from the sky.
With blessings, my friends, to your journey to make those moments filled with beauty and beneficence while you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams.
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