Autonomy calls
~ Thomas C. Maples
But to what end will I fall
Saving grace awaits
Got free will? Modern culture has grown obsessed with the myth of self-sovereignty—the belief that the ego sits firmly in the driver’s seat of existence. This ideal creates an illusion of autonomy. Yet if we truly possess absolute control, can we simply will a hair follicle to regenerate when it thins out of existence? Can we command its pigment to return as it openly embraces winter’s silver shades? It shifts colors regardless of our trivial wishes to stop the clock. From this perspective, life reveals a much more complex storyline—one suggesting that true existence unfolds beyond the ego’s conscious control.
Yet this leads to an inevitable question: Are we merely predetermined? The gray tones of winter’s embrace come for us regardless of our will. Like the season itself, we cannot mask the truth of winter’s gray with mere dye. But setting aside subtle vanity, where does personal autonomy end and predetermination begin? What can we do within the structural limits of the ego, so that we may rethink what truly shapes a life well lived?
In this exploration, we dive into this central quandary. By examining the intersection of depth psychology and Catholic anthropology, we will look at how the limits of self-will mirror the struggle of moving from sinner to saint, much like the path St. Augustine walked. In his Confessions, this sinner-turned-saint wrestled with leaving secular ambitions behind, ultimately finding union with God’s higher purpose. Let us embark on a similar journey as we learn to relinquish the illusion of autonomy through spiritual surrender and step onto a path toward psychological wholeness, authentic agency, and union with God’s saving grace.
The Wandering Nomad: From Psychological Certainty to Divine Grace
Autonomy always called to me. I wasn’t even baptized until I took the plunge alongside my three-year-old son at the Easter Vigil Mass in 2013. Yet, even after two years of RCIA, my Catholicism remained largely intellectual. Oddly enough, I entered the faith through the portal of the secular—through science. As a psychotherapist, I repeatedly ran up against the limits of clinical models. Secular psychological certainty simply could not account for the sacred mysteries and oddities of human existence. So I thought: Why not give faith a try?
I was a nomad, wandering an aimless desert, searching for a wellspring of knowledge to satiate a soul dehydrated by pure rationalism. Yet I never abandoned that arduous search for the spirit and its capacity to provide answers where scientific certainty simply cannot.
The Dreamer’s Illusion
A free spirit? Most definitely. But while I thought I was charting my own course, God was quietly awaiting the opportune moment to set His plan in motion. For years, Henry David Thoreau’s famous dictum served as my personal mantra: “Advance confidently in the direction of your dreams.”
Yet, little did I realize that while I was lost in the daydream of egoic self-determination, a deeper, transcendent dream was breaking through—one that would redirect the wandering nomad toward a higher calling, one where ego could find its place next to soul, and Self could begin to develop.
The Boundary of Ego and Grace
This shift from self-directed autonomy to divine alignment mirrors Carl Jung’s observation that the ego must eventually encounter a reality larger than itself. Love is the law, and where there is love, the need for ego-based power simply ceases in light of the higher calling of the Self.
“Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power bases itself, love is lacking.”
— Carl Jung, CW 7, Para 7
While the ego provides us with the means to be responsible for love, if we have no concept of self, whom can we hand over? It must give way to its own chains in order to make space for another to exist. We must surrender the illusion of autonomy in order to operate in union.
This is not much different than the journey undertaken by St. Augustine, who spent years wandering through secular ideals only to find his intellectual ambition exhausted; the ego will eventually reach the edge of its own desert. At this boundary, human certainty fails and the illusion of autonomy crumbles. Yet in this very space, the Self is freed by the spirit of letting go, so that God’s saving grace may permeate.
A Surrender to Love
“Love transforms us into what we love… When the soul surrenders its own will to God, it loses its self-will and receives God’s will in exchange.”
— St. Catherine of Siena, The Dialogue
“But to what end will I fall?” God’s call is unique to every listener. Notably, we fall in love—we do not ascend to its presence through calculated self-will. Just like the magnetic pull so rightly associated with love’s calling, we must yield control and fall into its transformative embrace.
Yet, when confronted by a reality as vast and powerful as love, the rigid boundaries of the ego inevitably buckle. The dominant sense of “I” recedes, making room for the “Other” to enter. In this surrendered space, relational unity becomes possible—the very space where Scripture reveals two becoming one flesh:
“He said in reply, ‘Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’”
— Matthew 19:4–5
We must not mistake spiritual surrender for the annihilation of personality. The ego is necessary; it constructs the psychological vessel and personal identity required to assume responsibility for our life’s journey. If we cannot be responsible for ourselves, how can we assume responsibility for another? This level of self-responsibility is what is needed, for when two become one, creation flourishes, and in this act we become stewards of God’s greater plan. From this higher space, a healthy ego identity enters into dynamic dialogue with the Self—the Imago Dei has taken part in its creative capacity, linking the image of self to the higher concept of Self. By learning to serve those divine callings, we fulfill the soul’s deepest longing for growth.
Let Go and Let God
“Saving grace awaits” when we learn to let go and let God guide us from the illusion of autonomy. As depth psychologist Marion Woodman reminds us:
“Surrender is not giving up. It is entering into the mystery with open hands.”
We let go, trusting God to guide us into that mystery. Did you have all the answers when you let go and fell in love? Of course not, but if you realized its embrace, you welcomed the story yet to come. When we are called, will we embrace God’s loving presence? Will we allow the Self to ascend from the space the ego yields? Or will we succumb to the weighty chains by which the ego binds the soul?
Psyche—that beautiful Greek word defined simply as breath and soul—calls us to fall within, to reach out, and to accept help from its primary source. We have all needed a hand at some point in our lives. When you need a hand, will yours be outstretched, waiting to feel love’s primary embrace? As James Hollis noted:
s”The ego’s desire is control; the soul’s desire is growth.”
Through love, we embrace the soul’s growth to realize its aim. But to what end will you grow? As long as the ego insists on remaining in sole control, one stays bound by its chains—those rigid boundaries that define the temporal identity. Yet when we learn to let go, a welcoming hand waits to lift us up. As Thomas Merton prayed:
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going… But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.”
Let go and allow God’s saving grace to call upon you as you learn to identify, chart a course, and advance confidently in the direction of your divine dreams.
With blessings, my friends.
Bibliography
- Augustine, Saint, Bishop of Hippo. Confessions. Translated by Maria Boulding, O.S.B. Hyde Park, NY: New City Press, 1997.
- Catherine of Siena, Saint. The Dialogue. Translated by Suzanne Noffke. New York: Paulist Press, 1980.
- Hollis, James. The Middle Passage: From Misery to Meaning in Midlife. Toronto: Inner City Books, 1993.
- Jung, C. G. Two Essays on Analytical Psychology. Vol. 7 of The Collected Works of C. G. Jung. Edited by Sir Herbert Read, Michael Fordham, and Gerhard Adler. Translated by R. F. C. Hull. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1966.
- Merton, Thomas. Thoughts in Solitude. New York: Farrar, Straus and Cudahy, 1958.
- The New American Bible: Revised Edition. Washington, DC: Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, 2010.
- Thoreau, Henry David. Walden; or, Life in the Woods. Boston: Ticknor and Fields, 1854.
- Woodman, Marion. Leaving My Father’s House: A Journey to Conscious Femininity. Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1992.
More from Dr. Thomas Maples
Find me on Psychology Today.
Unique Candle Collections
